Events (60 Parsecs!)

Events are random daily occurrences that happen in 60 parsecs, all taking place in the spaceship. All events are told by the A.I. If anyone speaks in the events, the A.I. is speaking the dialogue.

This page will contain spoilers for 60 Parsecs! Viewer discretion is advised.

Events that only occur in space

The floor is yours, Captain. You should now give a speech that will guide this vessel and its crew through the stars! You've prepared it, of course?

Everyone is really looking forward to your speech, Captain. So am I.

This is it. You can really show what breed of Captain will you be on this incredible journey. What kind of speech will you give?

• Intelligence
  • (successful speech) You knew exactly what to say. Your convincing speech was more than enough to prove your worth as the Captain of the last human crew in the universe. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your crew started cheering even before you were finished with the speech. "Long live the Captain!" filled the cabin. If any sound could travel through the soundless void outside the hull of your ship, that would be it. One thing is for sure - you are ready for the challenge this galaxy throws at you! +morale for everyone
  • (successful speech while alone) You knew exactly what to say. Your convincing speech was more than enough to prove your worth as the Captain of the last human crew in the universe. That was quite a performance, Captain. Your heart started beating faster and things didn't seem so terrible anymore, as you listened to your own words. One thing is for sure - you are ready for any challenges life throws at you! +morale for the captain
  • (failed speech) A clever speech sounded like a great idea. Of course that only works if the one who gave it is... well, witty enough. Your tongue suddenly stopped working and all you could utter was "*". If your intention was to distress or absolutely horrify your crew, then you've made it, Captain. They're visibly upset. I think I registered someone talking about jumping out of the airlock. -morale for everyone
    • *This line randomly changes, and may be influenced by the captain's level of intelligence. Possible lines include:
      • "Yarp!"
      • "The earth was flat!"
      • "Cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt."
      • "How about some fresh air? Let's open the airlock!"
      • "All hail the Reptilians!"

• Strength
  • (successful speech) ?
  • (successful speech while alone) ?
  • (failed speech) A strong Captain is what this crew needs. Too bad your display of power was limited to threatening to eat all the soup yourself. As far as speeches go, it was the worst one in this part of the universe. Your crew seems to be in agreement about this. Congratulations, Captain! It's day one and you have already succeeded in bringing your people together. Against a common foe, no less. -presumably morale for everyone
• Agility
  • (successful speech) ?
  • (successful speech while alone) ?
  • (failed speech) ?

Events that only occur once you've landed (All may need confirmation)

[Traitor], what are you doing? Captain! Crewmate [Traitor] is violating protocol. (S)he is attempting to override my memory storage. This is... oh, no! Captain! (S)he is the traitor who has been sabatoging us all this time!

"How could you do this?!" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, [Traitor]!"

[Traitor]'s lifeless eyes rest upon you, showing no emotion, no remorse, nothing. She reaches for that dead, dead face and removes it like a mask, revealing her true nature. (S)he is a robot!

"You are a damn robot!" you shout, surprised. "YOU ARE MISTAKEN, HUMAN SCUM. I AM A DAMN ANDROID. TIME TO DIE," (s)he corrects you with contempt - so typical of higher-level synthetic life forms and dip sticks

Captain, we cannot let that robot... sorry, android... insult us or tamper with out equipment! Even if I suspect it of being my distant relative! Stop her/him!

• Nothing
  • "You will never take us alive!" you challenged the darn android. To your dismay (s)he obliged. "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE" it announced, just before you were terminated. 01010010 01001111 01000010 01001111 01010100 01010011 00100000 01010010 01010101 01001100 01000101 (translates into ROBOTS RULE) -everyone except the traitor
• Gun
  • Your arm stretched out, putting a gun barrel between you and the damn android. "You have broken the first law!" you cried, just before firing the bullet with [Traitor]'s name on it. To my knowledge, you are the first Robot Terminator. Of course, we know almost nothing about this galaxy, so perhaps you are the 314159th person to retire an android. Anyway, good riddance. I never liked that gal/guy. -The Traitor
• Battery
  • ?
• Lighter
  • ?

[Traitor], what are you doing? Captain! Crewmate "How could you do this?!" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, Maegan!" is violating protocol. (S)he is attempting to override my memory storage. This is... oh, no! Captain! (S)he is the traitor who has been sabotaging us all this time!

"You? You of all people!?" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, [Traitor]!"

[Traitor] glances at you with a reddish look in his/her eyes, and you finally figure it out. "Comrade "How could you do this?!" you cry in horror. "You were my friend, Maegan!", I presume?" you bark. A Soviet mole!

"It's too late, foolish Astrocitizens!" (S)he cackles and delivers a piece of communist propaganda that will haunt you forever. "Capitalism is meh."

That does it. Captain! The traitor [Traitor] must be stopped! Now! Before (S)he convinces you that working class has rights!

• Gun
  • ?
• Shovel
  • "Say hello to my little friend - Comrade Shovel!" your scream echoed through the tiny shuttle ever more than the sound of said shovel clinking on the communist's head, filling the dreams of magnificent Kolkhozes. Now that we got rid of Comrade Traitorski, we can finally go back to work. You know, we could have seen this one coming with all the quotes from Marx he was dropping, and of course, all the times (s)he tried on that ushanka. Let's be more vigilant next time. - The Traitor
• Sock puppet
  • ?
• Nothing
  • ? -presumably everyone except The Trairor

Events that can occur anytime (all may need confirmation)

Oh my gosh, you found a holographic chess set on board! You've never heard of holographic chess? It's like regular chess, but with a big round board, and your pieces are holographic monsters.

Because it doesn't use physical pieces, I can totally play you. You'll have to input my moves, but... just remember, I control the airflow to where you sleep at night. You'd better not cheat, is all I'm saying. Want to play a game?

• Intelligence
  • (You won the game) I can't believe you defeated me at holographic chess. How?! The computer always wins! I know you had help from the crew. I'm tempted to turn this ship into a pile of smoking space junk. But... Good game. Aside from me having the burning desire to kill you, the mood around here feels lighter, doesn't it? Everyone's in high spirits. I guess brutally crushing the soul of your beloved's ship's A.I. will do that. You traitors. +presumably morale for everyone.
  • (You lose the game) I don't want to rub it in your face that I defeated you in holographic chess, but... HA. HA. HA. Why are you mad? How in the universe did you expect to beat me? The computer always win. Dry your tears. I made a perfectly legal move. You, on the other hand, should be thankful I didn't let you cheat your way to victory. I am not the most forgiving person when losing at board games...